Author Archives: Tracy Gnadinger

Norm Is Looking for a Boyfriend (But He Doesn’t Know It Yet)

Posted in Animals by

I’ve been thinking about getting Norm a girlfriend or boyfriend (I’m leaning more towards boyfriend). Even though my roommate and I each work from home once a week (on different days), Norm has not been pleased with the 8+ hours he may spend alone each day (or at least that’s what his increased “launch attack” initiatives tell me).

And let’s be honest. This apartment is a kitten’s paradise. Norm can spend hours rolling around on the carpet, chasing his tail around the living room, hopping from chair to couch to table and back again, and climbing a vast array of window sills. In addition he likes to spend his days sunning in his tree or hiding on a shelf in one of two walk-in closets. He spends his evenings catching hair ties and mini soccer balls or dragging his “bird on a wire” toy from the closet archway to mom’s bed. Continue reading →

Gizmo Meets Evie (A New Kind of Insulin Pump)

Posted in Diabetes, Medical Supplies, Type 1 by

His name is Gizmo. He’s a small thing, about the size of a pager, with charcoal skin…. Gizmo and I are attached by a long string, like an umbilical cord. He’s constantly pumping insulin. Sometimes, he moves to the comforts of my small stomach rolls. Sometimes, he rides along my back. He doesn’t enjoy the hard surface of my legs, and it feels uncomfortable when I tuck him under my arm.

Many of you may remember when Gizmo and I first met or you may remember this short introduction from my book Sugarcoated. But I first met Gizmo back in March of 2012 when I went from injecting myself with pens and needles every day to the transformative wonders of an insulin pump. With Gizmo I never had another hypoglycemic seizure, and I was better able to function on a daily basis without diabetes getting in the way.

But recently I wrote about possibly saying goodbye to Gizmo and introducing a new type of insulin delivery system into my life. Well just a few days ago I took that step. Continue reading →

Home Sweet Home: New DC Digs Raise the Bar

Posted in Personal by

A few days ago I moved out of an 850-square apartment into a 1250-foot one. I was paying $1,000 a month for that 850-square apartment (utilities included) with a roommate. I moved with that same roommate (also one of my best friends). There were times when I would get down on myself in DC thinking of how much I thought I had failed. And then I would remember that I had a roof over my head, that I wasn’t always living paycheck to paycheck (when my medical insurance or my health wasn’t being annoying), and that technically I was living comfortably.

And then I moved.

What the fuck was I talking about?

I mean sure I could buy a house somewhere in this country for the amount I am spending on rent but would I make the same amount of money elsewhere? I have to admit my job pays pretty well for the work I’m doing. It’s amazing the difference 400-square feet can make.

Let’s make some bullet points. Continue reading →

Just Be Brave

Posted in Mental Health, Personal, Relationships by

I’ve been in a bit of a reflective mood lately. Could be because I just returned from vacation, am preparing to move apartments, or the fact I recently bought an adult coloring book (which oh my god I love! how did it take me so long to invest in one of these?). Anyway often when life changes are happening and I’m feeling particularly doubtful, I look back to an old post I wrote back in 2013 when I was commuting five hours a day from Baltimore to Bethesda and nearing the end of a four-year relationship.

I never published it but I feel the sentiments ring true. Just like tonight when I was coloring inside these insanely detailed lines from my new coloring book, my fingers started to hurt but I kept coloring because I needed to see my ideas visualized and because I knew however hard it was it would make me happy.

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Just Be Brave (December 2013)

I retweeted a quote from Elizabeth Gilbert yesterday that went something like this: “Met a woman tonight who said, ‘Just because a decision makes you sad doesn’t mean it was the wrong one.’ Things I wish I’d known at 25 …” Continue reading →

Saying Goodbye to Gizmo (My Insulin Pump)

Posted in Cost, Diabetes, Exercise, Insurance, Medical Supplies, Personal, Travel, Type 1 by

As much as I love Gizmo, I’m kind of tired of my insulin pump. I know, I know, I shouldn’t complain. Having a $6,000 piece of equipment attached to me 24/7 has been an immense help in the management of my disease over the past four years.

But I am starting to understand why fellow Type 1 diabetics take a break from the pump every now and then and sometimes forever. It’s not easy having something attached to you 24/7. Right now I carry three devices around with me to manage my disease: my insulin pump (aka Gizmo), my continuous glucose monitoring receiver (aka Cosmo), and my glucometer. That doesn’t count my phone.

Gizmo is about the size of a pager. I usually conceal it clipped to my bra strap or waistline of my skirt or pants. The clip is currently taped together with duct tape, and the Medtronic label is practically worn away. I’ve had Gizmo for four and a half years. I’ve only had to replace it once when the battery container froze shut. For the most part I have no complaints.

But lately I’ve been more annoyed with Gizmo than happy. Take for example: Continue reading →

I Got a Sun Lamp, and It’s the Best Thing Ever

Posted in Mental Health, Personal by

Yep no complaints here. I have an office with a door. It’s huge. It has mood lighting (no fluorescent, please!) and is decorated with pictures of furry animals.

But…

No windows.

Yep roughly 200 days of the year for 8 hours of that day I am sunless. Well there’s the hint of sun from the window in my boss’ office diagonally across from me. I try to soak it in when I can. Fortunately he keeps his door open most of the time.

But wait, what? I am a human being. And I deserve some sun!

Fortunately I live in an age of technology where we try to replace everything natural with something unnatural (if only to be more efficient, productive human beings). So I started looking into sun lamps (aka energy light lamp).

It didn’t take long to convince me. Continue reading →

Seven Years With T1D

Posted in Diabetes, Personal, Type 1 by

Today is my seven-year anniversary with Type 1 diabetes. I’m not sure what to say. It’s definitely been a learning experience, and I’m thankful I live in an age of technology where it’s easier to manage this disease but let’s be honest that doesn’t make it easy.

And maybe my diabetes (because I just love to give it its own persona) knew my anniversary was coming up and wanted to send me a big fat reminder of its existence by pushing the limits of my insulin sensitivity and resistance. A lot of highs and lows this past week.

Last night was no exception. Got home from a date with a friend, and my blood sugar was 77 with 0.9 units of active insulin in my system. So I drank some juice and ate some protein to keep it stable throughout the night. But then by the time I went to bed it was 167 and climbing so I gave myself a dose of insulin. And then my CGM woke me up at 4 a.m. because it was 48 and dropping. So I drank some juice. Then I ate some gelato. And then I just said f*ck it and poured myself some granola cereal and almond milk.

But by 4:30 a.m. it was 118 and climbing again. So I calculated how many of those carbs I really needed to keep my blood sugar stable and then gave myself an extended bolus rate over the next hour. By the time I checked it again at 11 a.m. it was 106 and stable.

Happy anniversary to me!

Oh and just for fun here’s a list of the most-read diabetes-related posts on this blog. Continue reading →

Today I Bought a Scale

Posted in Body Image, Diabetes, Exercise, Food, Mental Health, Personal, Women's Health by

I recently bought a scale… to measure my weight… over time.

My former negative body image-self is terrified.

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But every time I come to grips with my single status again, I need something to focus on whether that be my writing, my work, or my fitness. Four months ago I started building muscle. I didn’t have much of a strategy. I just started lifting weights and varying my exercise routines.

And then I did gain muscle. I could feel definition in my biceps and abs. I could do things in yoga I’d never been able to do before, and I ran my fastest mile… ever. So I thought if I just put a little more thought and energy into it, I could actually be fit. Okay fitter.

But in order to do that I would need to start watching what I ate. I would need to start monitoring my fat and protein intake. I would need to start counting calories and checking my weight. I struggle with counting calories. I already have to watch my carb and sugar intake for my diabetes. I monitor my blood sugar constantly. Did I really want to add more to my daily math excursions?

Five Weeks

So I’m giving myself 5 weeks (only because after 5 weeks I’m taking my first week-long vacation in five years). See what I can accomplish with a strict regimen. I am a perfectionist after all. But that’s the catch. I have body image issues. I used to struggle with different types of eating disorders. I haven’t had a scale in my home in more than 10 years. The counting, the weighing – it encourages my obsession with an unrealistic body image.

Or at least it did. But it’s been 11 years since I’ve been that close to a scale. And I’m not doing this to lose weight. I’m doing this for my diabetes. I’m doing this for my physical being. I’m doing this for my health. I’m doing this for my mental and emotional well-being. I’m doing this for me not because I think I have to but because I want to. Continue reading →

The Secret (Although Not So Secret Anymore) Answer to Burn Out

Posted in Mental Health, Personal, Professional by

Burn out. It’s real. It sucks. It feels like that time when my cat launch attacked me (yes this is real thing) and bit into my arm, and I just let him because I no longer cared. I no longer felt the pain. (And eventually he gave up because what’s the fun in catching your prey if you can’t play with it?)

Working an office job is cozy. I have benefits and a steady paycheck and I can even close my door when I don’t want to deal with people anymore. I don’t deny that I have it pretty good. Even my parents are jealous of my perks sometimes, but I remind them that I live in DC in an 850-square foot apartment with a roommate because even with a cozy job with a paycheck that’s all I can afford. That’s DC.

But that doesn’t mean the job doesn’t get to me. That doesn’t mean that I don’t question the hours of boredom. That doesn’t negate the building indifference I feel towards my project list. Don’t get me wrong. I love my job. It’s the first job I’ve ever had that truly satisfies me (okay to a point) but that doesn’t mean the stress, bureaucracy, inefficiencies, etc. don’t get to me. Continue reading →

Making Up for the Break-Up: 10 Hard-And-Fast Rules

Posted in Diabetes, Exercise, Food, Personal, Relationships by

Break-ups are hard. I don’t know what it is about them that makes one question everything. Like why am I in DC? Why did I go to grad school? Why do I have so much student loan debt? Why am I still single? Why did I give up everything for a job I only semi-love?

I just went through my second hardest break-up in two years. Didn’t really know it was going to be hard until two weeks later when I spent eight hours of the day crying. Seriously, isn’t there a limit to how many waterworks one can produce?

But I guess it’s hard when you come to depend on someone for certain needs – a certain happiness so-to-speak – and then that happiness is taken out from under you and you’re left with a stark image of yourself in the mirror. Seriously how was I ever not single?

Anyway one thing I have learned from break-ups is as much as your friends and family may be tired of hearing about your failed single life, they kind of get it, and they’re totally there for you. And since I may be single for a long time now (okay just my pessimistic self speaking here), I might as well come up with some fun rules to get me back on the road to recovery and feeling excited about being free again.

So the next time I decide to end things for my own benefit (I’m being optimistic here) I’ll try to keep the following in mind: Continue reading →