Traveling Alone

August was a difficult month, for many reasons. I told one of my best friends recently: I feel like I’ve lost myself. I’ve been pushing myself for so hard for so long I’ve forgotten what makes me happy.

Last week, I learned about the annual Library of Congress National Book Festival, which took place Saturday. A friend and I (both avid readers) decided to check it out. It was madness. I couldn’t believe the crowds and felt proud to be among such a city of nerds.

And I remembered how much I love to learn, whether that’s about the sting acceleration of a jellyfish (up to 5 million g) or the divided friendship between Thomas Jefferson and John Adams. I may feel a little astray right now, but when it comes to learning and exploring something new, I am never lost.  Continue reading

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30 Days With Diabetes: The Last One

Well, this is not the “last” one. But I have finally come to the end of my 30 Days With Diabetes series. It went by fast. And I want to thank you for sticking with it and for supporting my blog with your readership. It means a lot.

I started this series to make a daily commitment to my writing and re-connect with you – the online community, who have enabled me to maintain this blog and feel less alone living with an incurable chronic condition. The posts that resonated the most with you – diabulimia research, blood sugar mayhem, eating, dating, sleep, fathers and acetaminophen (essentially the sum of our lives) – will continue to astound me.

But I hope you learned something. I certainly did. I loved experimenting with form, style, humor and vulnerability. And apparently, I have a lot to say – some positive and some negative. But isn’t that what life is all about? Continue reading

30 Days With Diabetes: Alarms, Alerts and Beeps

I’m constantly being alerted by my diabetes devices. It’s amazing I haven’t been conditioned to tune them out. Sometimes, the beeps annoy the hell out of me, and I yell at these devices with little to no effect.

So, what’s with all the beeps? And why do I keep certain alerts on, even to the detriment of office cube mates and dinner companions? Some of these alerts literally save my life. Others just keep me in check. Each alert is different, and over time, I’ve learned exactly what each type of beep or alarm means. But that’s hard to explain in words so instead, I’ll just give a quick summation of what I may be alerted to when you hear an odd sound emitting from my bag. Continue reading

30 Days With Diabetes: Sick

Because my body isn’t ever operating at 100 percent (with blood sugar mayhem and all), I am more prone to illness and infection (gotta get that flu shot). Today, I ended up at urgent care with one such infection. Antibiotics will cure it, but let’s just say I’m not at my best right now. And this is not how I had intended to start my long weekend.

But maybe it’s what I needed? I’m not saying I appreciate being sick. I certainly would have loved to have gotten some sleep last night and spend my day catching up on some creative endeavors. But I have been pushing my limits these past two weeks, and even I recognize it’s time to re-evaluate my priorities and how I’m spending my time.

I need balance. I constantly feel like I’m playing catch-up. So, my body is forcing me to slow down. I’m listening. Continue reading

30 Days With Diabetes: Almost

I was about to go to bed when I realized I haven’t posted today. I’m on Day 27 – it would be almost comical to miss a day now.

But the truth is I’m tired of talking about my diabetes. Yes, I have a book and a blog devoted to it. And yes, I live it every day, but if this series has taught me anything, it’s that I am more than my diabetes.

For years after I was diagnosed, I was terrified to try new things. Just this past year, I went whitewater rafting for the first time. And I recently got my passport renewed because I’m considering traveling abroad again. Continue reading

30 Days With Diabetes: I Can’t Eat

So even though my CGM says my blood sugar has been around 170-190, when I got home tonight I checked it and realized it was 294.

And while I may be actually hungry, the truth is my hunger may only be attributed to my high blood sugar. And since I picked up sushi from Whole Foods (which tends to be full of carbs), I can’t realistically eat it until my blood sugar comes down. So I sit here and stare at my food and wish for a different life.

This post is part of my 30 Days With Diabetes series

30 Days With Diabetes: Sometimes I Don’t Want To

Tonight, I decided I would take the night off – from work, freelance, writing, social obligations and yes, even diabetes. I noticed the tape holding my continuous glucose monitor sensor on was coming off and made a mental note to replace that tape so I could make it through the next two days until I changed my sensor (this is attached to my butt, by the way).

So rather than work out when I got home or prepare for a date or a social excursion with a friend, I had a glass of bourbon and watched one of my favorite films, Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows. It was a most enjoyable evening. Norm even joined and slept through the festivities for a bit.

Because sometimes as much as I know I need to reflect on things or re-evaluate the priorities in my life, I need a break. I need a night where I can just be. To be honest, I don’t believe in an afterlife, and even though I constantly question the point to this existence, I want to enjoy it. And if I can’t find joy during the most tumultuous times, I know I won’t survive. So even when I’m at my worst, I look for those little glimpses of joy and remember that I can be happy, wherever I may be and whatever disease I may carry.  Continue reading