When I was in college, I used to turn my flip phone off for days when I felt I needed to disconnect from the world. I was not depressed or perturbed. There are just moments when being around people and the conflict that comes with it is too much, and I need a recess.
Burn out. It’s real. It sucks. It feels like that time when my cat launch attacked me (yes this is real thing) and bit into my arm, and I just let him because I no longer cared. I no longer felt the pain. (And eventually he gave up because what’s the fun in catching your prey if you can’t play with it?)
Working an office job is cozy. I have benefits and a steady paycheck and I can even close my door when I don’t want to deal with people anymore. I don’t deny that I have it pretty good. Even my parents are jealous of my perks sometimes, but I remind them that I live in DC in an 850-square foot apartment with a roommate because even with a cozy job with a paycheck that’s all I can afford. That’s DC.
But that doesn’t mean the job doesn’t get to me. That doesn’t mean that I don’t question the hours of boredom. That doesn’t negate the building indifference I feel towards my project list. Don’t get me wrong. I love my job. It’s the first job I’ve ever had that truly satisfies me (okay to a point) but that doesn’t mean the stress, bureaucracy, inefficiencies, etc. don’t get to me. Continue reading
It’s another day at the office. The usual 9 to 5, although ever since I started earning a salary, it’s more like 9 to 6 or 7. I love my job. In fact, in the 10 plus years I’ve been working, it is the first job I have ever loved, the first job I actually respect my co-workers, and the first job I’m willing to dedicate extra time for growth and advancement.
But there are also times when I despise my job, when I am overcome with negative thoughts and I wonder if all my time and commitment is actually worth it. I’ve never been truly valued in any professional job I’ve had. I’ve always been at the bottom of the totem pole. And although I now have two degrees and earning more, I am still young, and still at the bottom. A part of me wonders if this will always be the case, if due to this economy and my age, I’m destined to be at the bottom, forever hoping, but never quite breaking that glass ceiling.
Silly, I’m sure, but we’ve all experienced burn out. I’m usually good until the two-year mark, and then I realize how much I’m not valued, how the benefits aren’t worth it, and how much I don’t care about my performance anymore. So I find a new job or a new career. I’m happy for a while, and then it starts all over again. Continue reading