Category Archives: Type 1

Show Me Your Pump

Posted in Body Image, Diabetes, Medical Supplies, Type 1 by

I’ve been a Type 1 diabetic for five years and an insulin pump wearer for two, but I still struggle with putting “Gizmo” out there. Recently, Sierra Sandison’s #showmeyourpump campaign has been trending on Twitter and among diabetes communities. I have to admit I am in awe. For one, I don’t usually wear my insulin pump with my bathing suit because it’s not waterproof, and two, I don’t want the stares and questions.

But now that I have Cosmo, my continuous glucose monitoring system, I’ve had to reconsider. This is something I can’t unplug at a moment’s notice (although as often as the tape stops adhering to my skin, I almost want to). Yesterday, I decided to “be brave,” so to speak, and wear my insulin pump on the outside of my pencil skirt. Not only did it make for easier access, but it reminded my coworkers and myself that yes, diabetes is a part of me, but it doesn’t control me.

In the end, no one commented on it. Maybe they stared, but I didn’t notice. Or maybe they’ve just gotten used to me being a vibrating machine because between Gizmo and Cosmo and my phone, even my boyfriend never knows which medical device is calling me.

‘The Fault In Our Stars’: Diabetes Edition

Posted in Diabetes, Type 1, Women's Health by

Diabetes is hard, but I won’t die from it. At least, not right away. I believe that I will eventually die of a heart attack. With the constant ups and downs of my blood sugar levels, I am sure even if I was given a decent heart, it would not be able to last years with this kind of stress. But at least it didn’t have to endure it for the first 22 years of my life.

It’s possible I may die from something else entirely, unrelated to my health, like a car accident, an injury sustained from rock climbing, food poisoning, etc. Okay, I’m being dramatic, but it doesn’t make sense to spend my days thinking about death, something I learned while reading The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. I love the title, by the way, but when I saw previews for the movie, it looked kind of cheesy and unrealistic, one of those “feel-good cancer movies,” if there can even be such a thing.

Then I read a review of the book and thought I might like it. After all, even though I’ve only been to one funeral in my life, I think about death a lot. I used to worry about receiving a call in the middle of the day that one of my grandparents or siblings had passed. I used to worry my friends would be one of those statistics for teenagers killed by drunk driving. When I wrote stories, one of my characters always, inevitably died (many times the main character because I’m that author). Continue reading →

Diabetes Coverage: The Never Ending Battle

Posted in Cost, Diabetes, Mental Health, Type 1 by

Just when I think I’ve overcome one hurdle (in this case, the elimination of the pre-existing condition clause with the Affordable Care Act), 10 more appear. I don’t know if I would have experienced the health insurance hang-ups that make me want to bite my nails off and tuck my head underneath my desk at the end of the day, had I not been diagnosed with diabetes at 22.

But in those five years, fighting for diabetes coverage, even something as benign as a 90-day supply for supplies I use every day, has only added to my mental and emotional stress, and in a sense, depleted my overall health and quality of life. I’ve won battles and lost others. But at the end of the day, I still feel beaten.

No matter what I say, no matter how hard I push, no one will see my condition the way I do. They see me as a price tag – an expensive one at that. It doesn’t matter that these supplies or that amount of insulin or that sensor help me live. What matters is that in their predetermined rulebook, it says they do not cover it, and that’s that. Continue reading →

Lying to My Endocrinologist

Posted in Diabetes, Type 1 by

This week, I’m responding to a blog post on lying to your endocrinologist from Kerri Sparling at Six Until Me. Sadly, the truth is I almost always lie to my endocrinologist. Every few months, I cringe when the nurse brings in the downloaded blood sugar readings from my glucometer (even more so now that I have a CGM and cannot pretend to hide those unexplained highs or lows). But every few months, my doctor looks at my readings and says, “These look good.”

I’m surprised, relieved, and jumping up for joy on the inside. I succeeded! I DID NOT FAIL in the eyes of my doctor! But then, I feel immediately guilty because I know I’m not telling her the whole truth. I don’t tell her about the late-night peanut butter ice cream binges or the fact that I haven’t regularly exercised in the past five months (mostly due to my commute and the awful winter weather we had this year, which made me want to crawl under my bed sheets and hibernate until spring). Instead, I say, “Well, that’s good,” with a slight smile. Play it casual, like I’ve got it under control.

But as Sparling pointed out in her blog post, my doctor knows it’s not me that’s “noncompliant.” It’s my pancreas that doesn’t work like it should, and I’m just trying to deal. But I’m a perfectionist. I admit this much to my doctor. She’s concerned about the lows; she’s always concerned about the lows. But this last visit, she surprised me. She said research now says that regular low blood sugar levels can lead to worse long-term complications than highs. Really?  Continue reading →

It’s Just a Piece of Bread

Posted in Diabetes, Food, Type 1 by

Last night, I went out to dinner with a friend of mine from graduate school. We were walking down Cross Street towards the market when we saw the hoard of college students and post-college wannabes standing along the strip of bars that make up Fed Hill’s night scene.

Even though we had plans to walk through that hoard towards the restaurant, we were both like “Uh, nooo,” and diverted to the right. We settled on an American bistro neither one of us had been to.

The place looked deserted. Apparently the Cinco de Mayo festivities had already trampled through and left. In the back dining area, one of the servers sat us between two other tables, one replete of the 5pm dinner crowd and another of a middle-aged couple.

The woman of the couple kept giving our server dirty looks, while a man behind us kept grumbling because they were out of his favorite wine. Continue reading →

A Purse Full of Diabetes Supplies

Posted in Diabetes, Medical Supplies, Travel, Type 1 by

I don’t like to carry much. I used to avoid carrying a purse or bag. But I also like to be prepared. And with diabetes in tow, it’s hard to do both.

Like today, my blood sugar started dropping once I left the office even though I had corrected the last low two hours ago. I couldn’t for the life of me find my glucose tablets, but I did have Gatorade on hand, so for now, my blood sugar stabilizes.

Here’s what I always carry with me:

Continue reading →

Things I Wish I’d Known

Posted in Cost, Diabetes, Type 1 by

A few months ago I retweeted a quote from Elizabeth Gilbert that went something like “things I wish I knew at 25…”

My five year anniversary with diabetes is coming up in a few days, something I was reminded of this morning during a visit with my new primary care physician.

“You said you were diagnosed at 22?” she asked in a bubbly voice, an endearing tone like that of a child’s rather than a bratty teen.

“Yep, April of 2009.” I said with a smile, swinging my legs against the edge of the exam bed. Why should that make me proud?

And that got me thinking about what I would tell my 22-year-old self now. What words of wisdom could I share with a young woman, driven by education and a career yet hungry for young love and adventure?

Things I wish I’d known:

Continue reading →

Thanks for the job. By the way, I have diabetes.

Posted in Diabetes, Professional, Type 1 by

I never say in job interviews or on my first day that I’m diabetic. Legally I cannot be fired or reprimanded for my medical condition, but I make a conscious choice to pretend it doesn’t exist, like I’m “normal.”

Of course people warn me that I should tell at least someone I work with about my disease. Even though I manage it well, anything can happen and someone should know what to do in that situation.

Eventually, I do. I make a friend or someone asks about my pump or my glucometer, and then that follows with 10 million more questions about diabetes: what’s the difference between type 1 and type 2, can I eat sugar, do I have to take injections, does it hurt, etc., etc.

I’m happy to answer these questions. When I was diagnosed at age 22, I didn’t know what diabetes was much less how it would change my life. Why would I? I studied psychology in college. I was more familiar with the symptoms and repercussions of bipolar disorder than what a normal blood sugar range was. So I’m always happy to share my first hand experience with others. Well, almost always.

Continue reading →

Diabetes Breakdown

Posted in Diabetes, Mental Health, Type 1 by

Not every day is easy with diabetes. Not that it should be. My pancreas doesn’t work so technically I can’t properly digest food so technically, five years after my diagnosis, I shouldn’t be alive.

I should be thankful for technology, thankful that even though these medical supplies cost me a ridiculous copay, they keep me alive – they help me maintain an overall good quality of life.

I should be thankful, but there are days when I come home from my two-hour commute from DC and I stand in my walk-in closet debating what outfit I should wear tomorrow and then I lose it. I just sink to the dilapidated hardwood floor and start sobbing.

Okay maybe there’s more to it than that? Maybe it’s been a rough day? Maybe I’ve been having highs all day for no apparent reason other than my hormones started going crazy? Or maybe I’ve spent half the day going back and forth from the insurance company to the pharmacy to the doctor’s office trying to get my 90-day supply of test strips covered? Continue reading →

Say Hello To Cosmo, My New CGM

Posted in Diabetes, Medical Supplies, Type 1 by

The vibrating wakes me up for the third time this night. It’s 3 a.m., and my new continuous glucose monitoring system (CGM) says my blood sugar reads 55. I know it’s a lie. I recently checked my blood sugar, and it was stable at 93. I have no active insulin in my system, but I just started this CGM, which I have decided to call “Cosmo,” and the nurse said it may take a few days to reflect my actual blood sugar. It’s a shame, but in the few weeks that I’ve had Cosmo, I still won’t give it up.

In the almost five years that I’ve had Type 1 diabetes, I’ve thought about investing in a CGM, which uses a sensor to monitor my blood sugar 24/7, but there can be a 20-minute delay since it’s reading my glucose levels from the interstitial fluid (a thin layer of fluid that surrounds the body’s cells), as opposed to a glucometer that reads it from a blood sample. I’ve always erred on the hypoglycemic side – two seizures in my short history as a result.

But in addition to the added expense of a CGM (my health insurance history has not been very consistent), I didn’t know if I wanted a 24/7 reminder of my diabetes. I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know how much two pieces of bread or pasta or ice cream affected my blood sugar in the three hours I didn’t check it with my glucometer. Even though by the time that three-hour period had passed, my blood sugar returned to a normal state of 80-120, it didn’t mean that in that time, it hadn’t spiked to 300 and come back down. Did I really want to know that? Continue reading →