A few days ago I saw a spider in the sink. Today, I saw an ant cross my path along the sidewalk home. I tried not to step on it. I always try not to step on insects or animals that come across my way. I don’t know why. Maybe I feel like giving them a chance at life?
When one relationship ends, it feels like I question everything to life. Like what am I doing? What’s the point? I don’t know why relationships make us feel this way. Maybe because we thought we were on a different track, but then when we realized we were unhappy, we changed everything?
A week ago I made it through airport security without a seizure. I didn’t take anti-anxiety medication or keep my blood sugar above 200. In fact, my blood sugar was 160. I always eat something before I fly to make sure my blood sugar stays stable. After experiencing my only two seizures in the airport, I take all precautions when flying.
TSA didn’t treat me like a criminal or a terrorist, which was a nice change. I walked through the body scanner, let the officials know I had an insulin pump and CGM, and they waved their magic wand, assured I wasn’t carrying drugs, and ushered me through. And then coming back from my trip to Louisville, I was approved to go through the TSA Pre line (which coincidentally I’ve just applied for). I didn’t have to take off my shoes or take out my toiletries (not that I really do anymore, to be honest), and I went through a metal detector. A metal detector! I haven’t used one of those since pre 9/11.
And you know what? My insulin pump wasn’t detected, and I walked straight through. No double check. No special treatment because I’m diabetic. I think I’m going to like this whole TSA Pre thing.
But the truth is, diabetes has become such an ingrained part of my life that sometimes I forget it’s there. It doesn’t even get me down, but relationships ending do. I’m much happier and calmer, I have to admit. I’ve started writing fiction again, which is fun, but still, in the back of my heart and my mind, I know something is missing. Continue reading