I’m Burnt Out

I’m finally on vacation. I should be excited, right? I was certainly excited leading up to this week. But right now? I’m burnt out.

Ever since I entered the professional 9-5 realm almost a decade ago, I haven’t had more than 10 days of paid vacation per year (and some years, I didn’t even have that). It’s a luxury — paid vacation. But as someone whose independent nature lends itself to a career of freedom and autonomy, the structure of the 9-5 can be a struggle. I mostly stick with it for the benefits (so far, it’s been the only way I can afford my diabetes).

But some things happened this past week that made me question how I’m spending the majority of my time and whether I am actually on a path to self-fulfillment. And then I realized just how exhausted I am from all the pressure — pressure from my body (diabetes), my bank account, my career, my relationships, etc. I know that I will be leaving in a few days to a mountain getaway, free from worldly distractions. Yet, I feel I am losing momentum and motivation. Continue reading

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For what it’s worth, you’re good enough

Sometimes, I think, I am not good enough.

Good enough for what?

For relationships, for success, for happiness, for a sense of belonging, for peace, for victory…

This does not mean I think any less of myself or judge those who care for and support me. But there are moments in my life when I think I am starting to fall towards rock bottom, and I question my own worth. I’m not even sure where these moments arise or where they find renewal. But every so often, I am hit with a wave of emotion, and I buckle down and cry.

I throw a pity party, for sure. But I also question the point of moving forward. This type of criticism is what my life coach likes to call my “gremlins.” I like that term. I imagine some small hairy green monster – quite the opposite of the cute Gizmo from Gremlins – and I think, I am stronger than you. There is no reason I should let you get the better of me. Continue reading