Category Archives: Personal

Writing Blog Tour

Posted in Personal by

Thanks to Danielle Ariano for inviting me to be a part of this writing blog tour. What does writing mean to me? Why do I write? Here are the cliff notes:

What am I working on?

This blog. I know, seems silly, but this blog actually keeps me writing. Even if they aren’t Pulitzer Prize-winning pieces, I’m still writing, experimenting with voice and style, and all in the hopes that one day I’ll have enough material to write another book.

So that’s the second thing. I originally set out this spring to publish an ebook of my recent book, Sugarcoated, only to discover I had so much more material to cover. I didn’t think I could do Sugarcoated justice by repurposing it for the Kindle and Nook so I decided to expand on its premise of my diagnosis with Type 1 diabetes and write a more fulfilling manuscript. But first, I have some personal growth to do, and maybe when I land on my feet again, I’ll have a frame for my story. We’ll see.

How does my work differ from others of its genre?

I like to think I have a very unique, witty, and sarcastic voice that draws readers from every walk of life and only adds to my popularity and respect as a profound writer. And I like to think no one has ever written about diabetes before (minus the numerous blogs and social media followings out there).

But in the end, I am a writer like anyone else. I read a lot. I learn from observation. I’m a sucker for bittersweet endings and raw character development. I’m currently pursuing the “creative nonfiction” avenue because I like telling true stories, and I never like writing about myself so I see this as a challenge.

Maybe that’s my contribution? In my mind, I live in other worlds, often imaginary and unrealistic, but I am grounded on Earth. I attempt to interesect the two, if only to make sense of random chaos. I am not a believer in “everything happens for a reason,” but I love ironies and coincidences. Continue reading →

The Opposite of Loneliness: Keegan’s Voice for a Generation

Posted in Personal by

I just finished reading Marina Keegan’s The Opposite of Loneliness, a collection of essays and short stories from a Yale graduate who died shortly after graduation in a car crash in 2012.

I don’t know if I would have picked up the book had I not known that the author had died at such a young age – that and she wanted to be a writer. In fact, she already was, with a job lined up at the New Yorker, and a play about to be produced at the New York International Fringe Festival. Her last essay for the Yale Daily News, “The Opposite of Loneliness,” had received more than four million hits, mostly when others heard of her passing.

While I was on Scribner’s website, looking up a contact for work, it was this title that actually drew me to the posthumous book. She was only two years younger than me when she died. From the introduction, I didn’t think I would like the author’s voice. She seemed over eager, privileged, and too innocent, but I wanted to give her a chance. If I died and somebody published my essays postmortem, I would want someone to give me that chance so I added it to my Kindle queue.  Continue reading →

Peanut Butter Bait

Posted in Animals, Mental Health, Personal by

Briston set up the traps months ago, baiting the mice with pinches of peanut butter.

“It’s best to leave the peanut butter on before setting the trap,” he said, “that way the mouse gets use to it and doesn’t expect the snap.”

We had just moved into a two-bedroom apartment on the second floor of a rowhouse in downtown Baltimore. Even though we’d been dating for two and a half years, more than half of that was long distance. Once I graduated with my MFA, Briston made the move from Orlando to Baltimore to give the relationship a real shot.

“That’s fine,” I told him, referring to the mouse trap, “as long as I don’t have to clean it up.”

Two years prior when I lived in a basement apartment north of the city, I had my first encounter with a mouse. He scared me when I turned on my bedroom light, and he ran out from under my bed.

A few days later I was sitting in the living area on the flower-printed couch, donated by a previous tenant, reading a book. I had set a similar peanut butter trap, at the suggestion of my roommate.

It was 9pm, and he scurried out from behind my bookcase against the wall across from me. He sniffed around my TV stand and ignored the peanut butter. Then disappeared down the hall. I didn’t scream or fret. As much as I don’t like living with other things, I live under the philosophy, “if you don’t bother me, I won’t bother you.” Continue reading →

The Same Route Twice

Posted in Personal, Travel by

Sometimes, I wonder how much more my body can take. At some point, I’m just on auto-pilot, and at the end of my 16-hour day, I’m surprised I’m still functioning, considering I’m one of those people who tries not to take the same route twice (for safety reasons and to mix it up a bit).

Today is one of those days. In addition to physical stress, I am overwhelmed by a whirl of emotions, a reaction to pending changes in my life. I’m preparing to move (again); helping other friends prepare to move; finding new friends and some desperately needed R&R while working for a promotion at the first job I’ve ever cared for. Some may say I’m 27 – this is normal.

But with the additional management of a chronic disease, changes in insurance status, filing claims, switching doctors, acquiring new scripts for that coveted 90-day supply, it’s a wonder I accomplish anything. And as a side note, what’s the point in having an FSA debit card if I have to submit receipts, explanation of benefits, etc. every time I use it?

Rewind 10 years…

I sit on the swing set of a small park near my best friend’s apartment in Louisville, Kentucky. As the sun fades, the crickets come out. I love their sound as long as I don’t have to step near their ugly brown spotted bodies that used to roam our basement and give me daymares.

My best friend Maria and I agreed to meet here one evening in June, the summer before we left for college. She would stay in Louisville. I was destined two hours north for Cincinnati.

We met freshman year of high school waiting for our moms to pick us up outside the new building to our all-girls school. We started talking about politics and cultural events. We philosophized about life and love and by the end of the year, we had become best friends. Continue reading →

Sister, Sister

Posted in Diabetes, Mental Health, Personal, Type 1 by

It seems to be staring at me, although I don’t see a face. I only see its black rectangular body and a few mechanical buttons that I suppose could be eyes – they are my life source. It’s buzzing at me, but I ignore its demand for attention.

There was a time I didn’t need you.

It doesn’t hear me. It doesn’t seem to respond, but it moves across my desk, as if inching closer to my exhausted body.

You are gray and ugly, and I don’t want you … but I need you.

I have a weird relationship with my insulin pump. If we were on Facebook, it would read, “It’s complicated with Gizmo.” Yes, I’ve named it Gizmo. I figure if it’s going to share my bed, it should have a name.

In approaching the holidays, I realize even though Gizmo has only been with me for two years, diabetes has been in my life for almost five. That’s not a lot considering most people with Type 1 were diagnosed when they were seven. What was I doing when I was seven? Oh yeah, playing beneath the Maple trees of Kentucky and going to church with my family every Sunday.

When I was in college and realized the brain doesn’t fully develop until we’re 20 or 25, I considered this might be why childhood seemed like the happiest years of my short life. I hadn’t met reason yet. I didn’t think about the horrible atrocities happening in the world or feel stressed about how quickly my next paycheck would disappear.

No, I lived in the present – my only concern was what fun things I could do with my day. My brother, two years younger than me, and I used to make lists during the summertime and then vote on the items on that list, planning out our free time and deducing what activities we would engage in that day.

We built Lego cities in the basement, played “house” in the church parking lot across the street, and pretended to be sisters. One time my father came home and found my brother dressed in a witch costume, answering to the name of “Susan.” I don’t know why he liked that name so much, but when we played “Sister, Sister,” I always let him choose his female name. To be fair, we also played “Brother, Brother,” but after my dad found my brother wearing a dress, we never played sisters again. Continue reading →

Falling Like Flies

Posted in Animals, Diabetes, Mental Health, Personal, Type 1 by

Sometimes, I look at everything I worry about, and I laugh.

Sometimes, I want to be happy for the sake of being happy so that if I died tomorrow, I would enjoy this one moment of life.

Sometimes, I wish people bothered me less. Why do you need to say “hello” every time I pass you on the street? Why do you feel the need to smile and call me “gorgeous” and when I don’t respond, keep talking like it’s my loss.

Sometimes, I wish people bothered me more.

Just yesterday, a friend of mine found out her landlord passed away from cancer. She was diagnosed a few months ago, complaining of stomach pains, but by then, the cancer was already at an advanced stage.

Just this past week, a colleague of mine doubled over in stomach pain and made it to the hospital. He’s been on bedrest ever since and has lost 10 pounds in the past week. He’s over 90 so the stakes aren’t looking good.

On this day, four and a half years ago, I was admitted to the hospital, having seen the doctor for a severe yeast infection. I came out with diabetes. Continue reading →

Over My Head

Posted in Diabetes, Mental Health, Personal by

“Maybe the only way to move up is to BE in over your head,” she says to me in a parking lot.

I followed a colleague of mine into the 60-degree sun to tell her about a recent job interview I was preparing for. She referred me to the job. I wanted the job, but I wondered if I would look like a fool, if my presentation to the VPs would somehow misrepresent my good work ethic and detailed organizational manner.

My colleague disagreed.

“Do you want to keep doing the menial tasks you do now? This is your way out.” It’s true. I am comfortable where I am now, but I’m not going anywhere. There is no room for growth, and in the year that I’ve continued to ask for a promotion, I’ve been denied.

They keep hiring on other employees, though. I’m still contractual. They say it’s because they don’t have the “funding.” I started a master’s program in industrial/organizational psychology. I know what “less than valued” means.  Continue reading →