Category Archives: Diabetes

A Community of T1D Veterans

Posted in Diabetes, Type 1 by

This Veterans Day I would like to highlight something a little different on Sugarcoated – the concept of diabetes veterans.

I was diagnosed late in life at 22 (well for Type 1s, that is). I had missed out on growing up with the disease, among the support of family, friends, and fellow juvenile diabetics. Yes, I say “missed” because ever since I was diagnosed, I’ve felt largely excluded from the Type 1 community. Maybe it’s why I’ve never involved myself with organizations like the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF) until now.

Because you see, I had a different experience than most Type 1s I meet. They were diagnosed at six or 13 and remember attending diabetes camp and having their moms pack them juice boxes for even the shortest trips. I’m not saying their diagnosis wasn’t daunting or depressing because after all, it’s still an incurable chronic disease. But in growing up with it, they developed a stronger support system. Through camps and fundraising events, they met other diabetics like them. They became friends; they shared stories; they didn’t feel alone. Continue reading →

There Is A Moment…

Posted in Diabetes, Medical Supplies, Mental Health, Personal by

There-Is-A-MomentThere is a moment when the sun hasn’t quite set, when the street lamps are on, but a wasp lands near your coffee cup, when the trees are multicolored, but you have a slight tan line from where your watch was. There is a moment when you stop thinking about work’s next projects and the errands you have to run when 5pm hits, when you stop thinking about travel plans for the holidays and this year’s gifts, when you stop feeling that itch for a run or the desire to binge on Halloween leftovers.

There is a moment when the water in the pot boils over, but you let it run in jagged lines towards the gas stove, leaving white marks in its path. There is a moment when you hurl your continuous glucose monitor (CGM) receiver across the room, and it knocks your foam roll for physical therapy to the floor. There is a moment when you scream at your insulin pump to stop beeping even though it can’t hear you and won’t listen.

There is a moment when you turn your phone off and hide it in the darkest recesses of your bedroom. No one will try to contact you so no one will ever know you did this to disconnect from the world because you are tired of incompetent co-workers, of failed best friends, of family members who no longer return your calls. You refuse to turn on that phone to check the weather for tomorrow, assuming it will be sunny and fallish.

Continue reading →

National Diabetes Month: Wearing Blue Proudly

Posted in Diabetes, Medical Supplies, Type 1 by

Carb-worthy ecardNovember marks National Diabetes Month. It includes World Diabetes Day, which happens to fall on the anniversary of insulin discoverer Frederick Banting’s birth on November 14. Yesterday was T1Day, a day for the Type 1 diabetes community to come together and not only raise awareness for our disease, but to provide support.

Yesterday was also my first inauguration into the world of Type 1 diabetes. I have been a Type 1 diabetic for the past five years, diagnosed late at 22, and in that time, I’ve only met a few other diabetics like myself. But yesterday, I volunteered at the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation’s annual Hope Gala in DC.

From the start, one of the fellow volunteers asked me if I had diabetes. I noticed the pump attached to her waistband, and for the first time in my life, I truly felt a part of a community. I explained that I had no family history and that I was diagnosed as an adult, as opposed to most Type 1’s who are diagnosed in childhood. But even so, we talked about insulin pumps, about exercising, about being diagnosed, and the everyday balance. Continue reading →

The Thrifty Gene: Diabetes Was Once a Survival Advantage

Posted in Diabetes, Type 1 by

Thrifty-GeneToday, I was reviewing a book on childhood obesity for work, and I came across an interesting passage on the “thrifty gene.” It sounded familiar, probably something I learned about back in high school biology, but for some reason, the idea was new for me. Geneticist James Neel proposed the hypothesis in 1962 in his attempts to understand how diabetes survived natural selection.

I agreed. How did Type 1 diabetes, an autoimmune disorder with obvious negative and previously fatal effects, often inflicting children pre-reproductive stage, survive? Neel proposed it was once a survival advantage to be able to fatten quickly and survive seasons of food scarcity. We’re talking hunter-gatherer societies. And because it was such a survival advantage, it continues to be passed down generation after generation.

The only difference is now we don’t have to worry about famines. We keep eating and eating, but our bodies never have to endure hunger and depend on the survival mechanism of diabetes to eat away at our stored fat without our blood sugar dropping and keep us alive. No, our blood sugar keeps rising and rising until our bodies drop dead or malfunction.  Continue reading →

I Swing Alone: A Diabetic’s Confession

Posted in Diabetes, Exercise, Mental Health, Personal, Type 1 by
Photo credit: Sandy Hunt

Photo credit: Sandy Hunt

I swing alone. My feet now touch the ground. The figure eight chains are rusted. The black u-shaped seat is worn at the edges. I wonder for how long it will hold my weight. I am much bigger now, but I still love the feeling of when my feet leave the ground. For a fleeting moment, I wonder if they will ever return, and then gravity brings me back to reality. I swing alone. I do not belong here anymore, but I also do not want to leave.

The red and brown leaves fly across my shadow in the direction of the setting sun. I envy their journey, but I do not envy their withered state. They are at the end of their lives. I should be beginning mine, but ever since I turned twenty-two, I feel lost within this body. I feel like it’s slowly giving up on me. From a pancreas that doesn’t work to a series of infections to chronic pain to now an IT band that won’t let me run, I feel like it’s shutting down on me. It’s at the end of this journey, and although I know I have years left, I don’t know what quality that will be.

It will let me enjoy one last swing, but it will not let me enjoy the simple pleasures in life – the simple luxuries our physical beings allow. I cannot eat what I want; I cannot exercise how I want, and I cannot have a long-lasting sexual relationship. My mental state has never succumbed to my body – it’s only succumbed to itself, but how much more can my mind take? Can a mind be free with a useless body? Can a mind truly enjoy life with a body that’s slowly withering away? Continue reading →

Diabulimia: A Personal Struggle With Body Image and Diabetes

Posted in Body Image, Diabetes, Personal, Type 1, Women's Health by

Strawberry-Cream-PieAccording to the American Diabetes Association, diabetic women are nearly three times more likely to develop an eating disorder than non-diabetic women.

Diabulimia is one of the more prevalent eating disorders among Type 1 diabetic women, that is reducing the amount of insulin one takes to lose weight. Scary, right? It certainly is.

Because not only do eating disorders lead to their own series of problems (slow heart rate, low blood pressure, brittle bones, hair loss, severe dehydration, etc.), but when a Type 1 diabetic does not take the insulin he or she needs, this just adds to the complications which may lead to diabetic ketoacidosis, stroke, and even death.

Unfortunately, I was one of those Type 1 women, and still am, to a certain extent because I believe one never completely finishes the battle with body image. But my story started before I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes in 2009. It started at 13 when I noticed I no longer fit into my clothes and asked the one irrevocable question: Am I fat? Continue reading →

Happy Anniversary Sugarcoated!

Posted in Diabetes, Personal, Type 1 by

According to my LinkedIn account, this month marks the one-year anniversary of this blog. I’m impressed I kept it going one month, much less a year. But here we are, more than a year since my short book of essays, Sugarcoated, was published, since I graduated with an MFA in writing and publishing, and now a year sharing my trials and tribulations online with you.

It seems fitting to focus on the numbers. I leave their meaning up to you.

1 of three million Type 1 diabetics (T1D) in the U.S.

2 times per week that I plan to spend writing for this blog

2 seizures as a result of hypoglycemia or low blood sugar

3 times per week I think my body may be curing itself, and I no longer have to live with T1D

17 times I change my continuous glucose monitoring (CGM) system site per year (this does not count the number of times I re-tape the transmitter so the wire stays beneath my skin)

20 units of insulin I use every day Continue reading →

Just Another Emergency Room Visit

Posted in Cost, Diabetes, Insurance, Mental Health, Type 1 by

The only time I’ve ever been admitted to a hospital was when I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes back in 2009. In the 22 years before then (besides being born), I’d never had any reason to visit a hospital. I’d never had a broken bone, an allergic reaction, or injuries sustained from sports (except for the one time I caught a softball with my bare hand or when I crashed into a teammate while trying to catch a ball in the outfield – she went to the hospital with a concussion; I iced my jammed thumb on the bench).

But upon reading one of the recent Narrative Matters essay from Health Affairs about a doctor’s perception of the emergency department as a patient, I was reminded of the two times I visited the emergency room due to diabetes and how I hope I will never have to return.

I used to date someone who worked in one of the many emergency departments in Cincinnati. I have a brief understanding of the chaos and stress the staff undergoes on a daily basis. I feel for them and have no complaints about how I was treated the two times I had a seizure as a result of hypoglycemia and was sent to the emergency room via ambulance.

But from a patient’s point of view, it was one of the most lonely and degrading experiences of my life, so much so that after my second seizure when the doctor wanted to admit me for further testing, I disagreed and persuaded him to discharge me. Besides the occasional vertigo, I didn’t sustain any injuries from the seizures, but that doesn’t mean I made the right decision. Continue reading →

Blood Sugar Woes

Posted in Diabetes, Food, Type 1 by

“Is everything okay?” my former colleague and friend asked the young woman standing across from me, a rack of beach towels and bathing suits between us.

It was my first visit to Ocean City. My friend, who I hardly saw anymore since I left the restaurant business, had invited me along with her roommate on this girls’ weekend, fourth of July beach trip. We had just arrived when the roommate realized she didn’t bring a beach towel.

“Yeah, yeah,” she said. “I just need to eat; my blood sugar is low.” I looked up from the myriad of snow globes clustered on one shelf. I particularly liked the juxtaposition of Disney characters in bathing suits basking in the snow.

“I feel like I’m going to pass out,” she added and then discards the wave towel she was looking at.

“Really? Do you want some juice?” I asked. She shook her head.

“I have some glucose tablets, too. If you’re blood sugar is really low, you should get it up quickly.” My friend and I exchange mocking looks. The roommate declined again, and I sighed. I held my tongue because I knew in bringing up the glucose tablets, I had embarrassed her. After all, I knew the full repercussions of a low blood sugar as a Type 1 diabetic.

But I didn’t mention the two seizures or attempt to unmask the real reason behind her irritability. It’s very likely she did need to eat, but unlike my body, her body knew when enough insulin was enough. It may drop to a certain point (unless she was hypoglycemic), but as long as she ate, it would self-manage.

Mine wouldn’t. If my blood sugar was dropping, I had to take care of it right away, less I risk having another seizure or going into a coma because my body couldn’t stabilize itself without external help.

As we left the store, still beach towel-less (due to the prices), and stopped at the nearest food depot and I watched the roommate’s mood improve significantly with food, I realized I was once just like her. Even before I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, I, too, became irritable and moody when I was hungry. Just like my mom, sometimes I would feel shaky if I hadn’t eaten in awhile.

Continue reading →

Single and Somewhat Strong

Posted in Animals, Diabetes, Personal by

A few days ago I saw a spider in the sink. Today, I saw an ant cross my path along the sidewalk home. I tried not to step on it. I always try not to step on insects or animals that come across my way. I don’t know why. Maybe I feel like giving them a chance at life?

When one relationship ends, it feels like I question everything to life. Like what am I doing? What’s the point? I don’t know why relationships make us feel this way. Maybe because we thought we were on a different track, but then when we realized we were unhappy, we changed everything?

A week ago I made it through airport security without a seizure. I didn’t take anti-anxiety medication or keep my blood sugar above 200. In fact, my blood sugar was 160. I always eat something before I fly to make sure my blood sugar stays stable. After experiencing my only two seizures in the airport, I take all precautions when flying.

TSA didn’t treat me like a criminal or a terrorist, which was a nice change. I walked through the body scanner, let the officials know I had an insulin pump and CGM, and they waved their magic wand, assured I wasn’t carrying drugs, and ushered me through. And then coming back from my trip to Louisville, I was approved to go through the TSA Pre line (which coincidentally I’ve just applied for). I didn’t have to take off my shoes or take out my toiletries (not that I really do anymore, to be honest), and I went through a metal detector. A metal detector! I haven’t used one of those since pre 9/11.

And you know what? My insulin pump wasn’t detected, and I walked straight through. No double check. No special treatment because I’m diabetic. I think I’m going to like this whole TSA Pre thing.

But the truth is, diabetes has become such an ingrained part of my life that sometimes I forget it’s there. It doesn’t even get me down, but relationships ending do. I’m much happier and calmer, I have to admit. I’ve started writing fiction again, which is fun, but still, in the back of my heart and my mind, I know something is missing.  Continue reading →