Author Archives: Tracy Gnadinger

Over My Head

Posted in Diabetes, Mental Health, Personal by

“Maybe the only way to move up is to BE in over your head,” she says to me in a parking lot.

I followed a colleague of mine into the 60-degree sun to tell her about a recent job interview I was preparing for. She referred me to the job. I wanted the job, but I wondered if I would look like a fool, if my presentation to the VPs would somehow misrepresent my good work ethic and detailed organizational manner.

My colleague disagreed.

“Do you want to keep doing the menial tasks you do now? This is your way out.” It’s true. I am comfortable where I am now, but I’m not going anywhere. There is no room for growth, and in the year that I’ve continued to ask for a promotion, I’ve been denied.

They keep hiring on other employees, though. I’m still contractual. They say it’s because they don’t have the “funding.” I started a master’s program in industrial/organizational psychology. I know what “less than valued” means.  Continue reading →

Because I Have Type 1 Diabetes

Posted in Diabetes, Mental Health, Type 1 by

I don’t know how I ended up here. 

“I submitted my payment two weeks ago. I just want my member ID cards. I’ve been covered since September 1st,” I say.

I’ve come directly from school, my backpack still attached. The insurance representative in front of me is wearing a white coat (I don’t know why). Her dark hair and pale complexion remind me of one of the robots from the movie, The World’s End.

“It takes 7 to 10 business days, sometimes more, for the initial payment to process,” she says matter-of-fact.

“But you did receive my documentation of continuous coverage?”

“Yes,” she says and then drops the bomb, “But we have a new rating system. If you don’t meet our health standards, and because you’re diabetic, you probably won’t, we don’t have to cover you.” Continue reading →

Screaming Babies

Posted in Diabetes, Type 1, Women's Health by

Tracy-Year-One012-webSomehow, I have found myself surrounded by pregnant women—the neighbor down the street, my supervisor across the hall, former college friends—everywhere I turn, people are having babies.

At 26, that should make me happy, right? My family asks when I’m next. Are there marriage talks in the works with my boyfriend of three years? Yes, it’s the first stable relationship I’ve had, one that even survived 21 months of long distance, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready for marriage.

I don’t even know if I want to get married let alone have babies. I feel like a family slows a woman down, that if I want to accomplish anything in terms of a career, I must put the idea of a family on the shelf and hike it up the chain solo. But everywhere I turn, women are asking how can they do both? Can’t we have it all? What if I don’t want it all?

A week after I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, I met with my nutritionist for the first time. Continue reading →

The Whole ‘Diabetes’ Situation

Posted in Diabetes, Type 1 by

It’s as simple as walking around the block, running to catch the bus, screaming at insurance companies on the phone–I never know when it’s going to hit, but suddenly it’s there like a bat in your hair (actually my experience with bats has been positive; I watched them fly seamlessly from the dock overhang of my boyfriend’s place in Florida).

Anyway, it’s that moment when you feel weak, like your body is giving out. Your arms start to go limb. Your mouth feels dry. You’ve lost sensation in your feet. Taking a step requires effort. And then it hits you. Your blood sugar is low. But who wants to eat another glucose tablet? The nasty powdery aftertaste they leave does not coincide with my hygiene routine. I already brush my teeth more than the recommended two times per day.

I even started using this “natural” toothpaste because I figure if I’m going to brush my teeth that much, I might well as safeguard my health. Well, that’s another story. But do I carry juice on me? Not like my former roommate, another type 1 (coincidentally I might add–we met her through Craigslist) who carries juice boxes around for those “low” moments, something her mom started doing when she was diagnosed at 13. Some habits never change. Continue reading →

Days in the Life

Posted in Diabetes, Exercise, Food, Medical Supplies, Type 1 by

This short essay describing random days in the life a diabetic was first published in Sugarcoated and is part of the University of Baltimore Plork Anthology (2013).

ONE DAY

7 a.m.

The harp string of my alarm wakes me. I remove my insulin pump from the folds of my cream-colored sheets. As I walk to the bathroom outside my bed­room, I clip the pump to my underwear.

In the bathroom, I unzip the black case of my glucometer, insert the lancet into the pricking device and then shoot it into my calloused fingertip. I push the blood from my finger and touch a drop to the test strip. The meter reads 88. A good start.

7:30 a.m.

Before I leave for work, I unclip my insulin pump from the plastic tubing taped to the skin above my waist line. I do not want the exercise from walking to and from the bus stops to make my blood sugar drop.

If my blood sugar is low when I wake up, like yesterday when it was 80, I drink a cup of orange juice before leaving.

It also is easier to manage diabetes with the insulin pump—it administers a consistent amount of insulin over a 24-hour period to keep blood sugars stable. Continue reading →